Nick of time...

Guys, please read the following as an excerpt from Nick's essay - well done to him on its composition. There were many part of his essay that were very good. Please read what he has written and then read my comments below.
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One of Sadat’s most memorable themes is the value of “permanent peace based on justice”. Sadat employs a range of rhetorical devices such as emotive language, repetition, enumeration, imagery and juxtaposition to ensure his audience is convinced of the value of “permanent peace based on justice” and remembers the idea. Words such as “annihilate”, “bereavement” and “rejection” are used to force his audience to experience how it feels to live without “permanent peace based on justice”. The repetition of the phrase emphasizes that this idea is one of his key concepts, and also allows the phrase to be brought up again in the audiences mind allowing the concept to ‘sink in’. Sadat also uses enumeration, structuring his arguments as “the first fact”, “the fifth fact” etc, and later, when stating his conditions for peace he uses “first, second, third”. This technique allows his audience to better follow his train of thought and clearly understand how he has come to these conclusions and making his argument seem more logical and correct. Also, by stating his arguments as a “fact” he gives them more authority. Lastly, Sadat uses imagery to portray two possible futures. One is of “the ruins of what mankind has built and the remains of the victims of mankind”; the other is of “a smile on the face of every child born on our land”. By juxtaposing such extreme vision Sadat forces his audience to agree with his pint by appealing to a common goal of a better future. Sadat ensures his audience remembers the idea of “permanent peace based on justice” by employing a number of rhetorical devices to ensure they both understand and agree with the idea.

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Some of you may have picked up on this but see how Nick has listed the techniques before going into more detail of his analysis? This is a no-no. Just have a little more contextual information at the beginning of your paragraphs (if you choose to structure your work in this way) and then get into your analysis.

Remember GOPAL? Don't worry about sticking to GOPAL perfectly but you must understand that each body paragraph (and they can be only a third of what Nick has done above) must be either thematic (that uses techniques in analysis) OR technique-based (which speaks about themes).

Looking closely at Nick's work again, I would prefer him not tohave used the word 'lastly'. I also think his final sentence is a little bland. Have another go, Nick?

Has anyone else got comments on what he's written?

Well done, Nick.