Gents,
Tension is something that most writers attempt to master. They do this to ensure the reader continues their text all the way to the end.
How do we create tension?
The simplest way is by short sentences and clever word choice.
1. Think of an experience that has scared or shocked you.
2. Try to explain a portion of that experience (the most tense bit) and grip us - don't let us go!
200 words
I walk through a dark corridor looking for way out although I look from left to right and I just run into dead ends. I hear noise and creeks in the floor, I am at a stop I run into bars I go to look inside and then a man runs out and scars me I quickly run around the side I though all worst was over although the same bloodcurdling character jumps out and scares me again while doing so he crawled in my ear. He gave me a immense shock I almost fell to the ground, I trek although thinking and hoping all worst is over I see a man directing us I though that there was a way out but then another person hurdles right at me and nearly scars me to death. I walk up the stairs and man jumps out and grabs me I didn’t’ know when it was going to end so I move on and then a get to a open part now I thought that the horror was finally over but know a man walks out and starts waving a fake knife at me but at the time it felt like a real knife I look left and right just to make sure that all is clear and then another figure comes from behind me and frightens men I thought I was really going to have a heart attack. And I new something was going to go very bad and I saw these cows hanging from the ceiling and then a women with a chainsaw comes out I though I’ve got to get out of there and I just ran in any direction and luckily it was the right direction and I just felt so relieved.
ReplyDeleteThe Time I had Meningococcal:
ReplyDeleteI was at a motor home lying in a bed paralyzed not able to move any part of my body except my eyes. My brother rushed in to find something then he found me lying there. He shouted for my mum & dad, they called called an ambulance. They came in about 5 minutes, according to my parents. I was put in the ambulance and then rushed to the hospital. Half way the ambulance co-driver asked if I had my parents if I had my chickenpox shot. Mum replied yes, the original hospital we were going to was Concord hospital, and then they turned around to go to Westmead Children’s Hospital.
When I was transferred to the emergency room, the doctors told my parents I only had about 20 minutes to live. After about 10 minutes they found out I had Meningococcal and they shot in antibiotics and the bacteria was killed. After a week in the emergency Centre I went to the ICU (intensive care unit). I was in the ICU for another month. Everyday of the month my parents didn’t no if I was going to make it, the doctors were not even sure. My brother missed school half the time because he was around me. He didn’t know what was happening. I got through the month with a few ups and downs but as I sit here on 13/02/13 writing this, I now think about all the ups and downs I’ve had in my life. I know that there is still plenty of time still to live.
I was three and my brother was 6 at the time this happened.
DeleteI was on holidays, at the beach. One day we went to a beach that was uninhabited, empty. Their was not a single person their apart from us. We walked down the wet sand absorbing every step I took. I put my towel down, picked up my board and went in, it was freezing, numbing every part of my body it encountered. As I walked In my body adapted to the freezing temperature of the water. I swam out, far enough to catch some waves. All of a sudden it hit me I could not control and part of my body, I was stuck in a rip. Sucking me out and then getting thrashed by the waves I had come of my board. A shiver went up my spine, terrified I started frantically swimming for shore, but every time I came the slightest bit close I would get sucked back out. As I was getting thrashed by the waves I saw my board. I immediately started swimming for it. I reached it a rush of relief came across me.
ReplyDeletegood good
DeletePASS, SHOOT!!! Its all I hear, every one yelling at me. Its almost to much but I have pull through. There is only 23 seconds left on the clock. I can do this I think to my self. The whistle blows right in my ear and I hear ringing. I’m lost for a second. A bit dazed. I realize it’s a time out on our position.
ReplyDelete“Men, you have made it this far, the score is all tied up. We have no fouls to give, and you WILL NOT give any away! Don’t give this up, you guys have the skill, the power, the teamwork and the passion to go the whole way. Don’t let them slip in.” coach’s comforting face calm and still. But everyone new he was keen. All we saw though is that he wasn’t mad, or happy. Just content to give us everything.
The piercing whistle goes again. “its time” coach says. He keeps the same team on. The team gathers around and screams our teams chant.
We hop onto the court nervous, but willing and determined knowing what we had to be victorious. Jerry passed me the ball. I felt the smooth comforting leather on my fingers. I dribbled up the court getting my feel for the ball. I know I was to be trusted with the game winning shot. I don’t think I have ever felt so much pressure. But I had to be focused, I calmed down. The clock hit 10. Two defenders came towards me I crossed one over. It was a sweet and perfect cross over. He tripped and collapsed to the wooden floor falling right behind me. I just had one defender now. This was it (5 seconds left) I ran one side; jab stepped, behind the back. hesitation step back behind the 3 line but he still was on me. I jumped. At this moment everything was still. Only 1 thing on my mind and that was getting this ball through the basket. I released the ball almost perfect but I got a nudge in the air. Everything slow. No sounds. Not smell. No taste. Only the leather of the ball and the hoop. I hit the ground after contact on the shot and slid. But still eyes on the ball. It looked good, really good.
Then that sound, the sound that made me fall in love with the game…
Swish.
I was walking with my grandpa on my way to Church. He’s very old, with grey hair and a little bended back. He was talking to me about his great life in the past again. I’ve heard him saying it not less than once a week, he knows I am sick of it, but he doesn’t care, he thinks the impact of his life is important to me. He was saying “We were once lived in an area where it is around 150 square metres. Back in those days, there was total of nine people living in that small area.”
ReplyDeleteI wasn’t actually listening to what he says, we kept on walking. Suddenly, a cab on the road went on fire, the Lexus behind it crashed into the pedestrians pathway. It was about to hit me, I was in panic and fear, didn’t know what to do. My grandpa jumped and pushed me aside to the fence, and the car hit him.
All of the sudden, the surroundings was in dead silence. The people along the road called the police, there was two people saw me next to the car. I was shocked, a lot of things came into my mind, such as the smile of my grandpa. I then feeling weird, my arms and legs can’t feel a thing.
I fainted.
I was sent to a hospital, I woke up in all of a sudden. I remembered the incident just then, and asked the nurse what’s my grandfather’s condition. The nurse went from a bright and beautiful smile to a sad, disappointed face. Her facial expression immediately gave me a thought of: No way! You’re serious? My grandfather is Dead?
She replied me, “I know it is very sad, you’re grandfather got hit into his hands and was concussed. But don’t worry, he’s not dead.”
I was in relief. And said to myself, I can’t such a incident happen again!
I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was living in America during this time. My family was going to Colorado to hiking and hunting in the mountain called Telluride. I saw an advertisement for a rock climbing experience. I asked my dad and he said yes so we went to do it together. When we met the guide at the mountain I thought “that’s a big mountain”. I have been rock-climbing a lot of times before but a mountain as big as this was a new experience. It was almost 250 meters tall. I was the first one to get harnessed up and ready to climb. You had to free climb the first 50 or so meters because the rope couldn’t get tight without it pulling you off. This means that if I fall I could of broking my legs, or worse. I tried not to think of that as I was climbing. When I finial got by the 50 meter mark I saw a crack that went all the way to the top of the mountain. I mentally said to my self “you are going to do this”. I was half way there when the rock I was standing on fell and I was left dangling by one hand. The adrenaline rush was so huge that I almost felt my heart was going to explode any second. It took all my strength to pull myself up with one hand. I got onto the ledge where the top of the mountain was. I felt so accomplished that nothing could ruin this moment. I yelled down to the guide and said “I’m ready to get down”. I repelled down and made it safely to the ground. When I reached the ground I collapsed because I was so drained of my energy. I had just completed one of the hardest climbs in that state.
ReplyDeleteI got out of the car and rushed down to the lake side were i was greeted by the waves of the boats rushing past.i looked out, not a single whistle of wind just a plain blue sky. dad and his brother and some of his mates were loading the boat into the water. we got the skies out and dad was about to strap me in. my whole family were watching i was trembling with fear.as dad was strapping me in i could smell the thick sent of petrol. the boat was roaring as my uncle took it for a quick warm up spin.the sound was roaring through the air. as my uncle came back dad attached the rope to the ski pole that was sticking up at the back of the boat."this is it" i said to myself."ARE YOU READY" my uncle shouted, "YES" i replied back.the boat took of "JUST HANG ON AND I WILL BE OKAY" i was saying to myself in my head. i stared at the rope that was feeding out from beneath me then i realized it was tangled around my arm. "STOOOOOPPPPPPP" i shouted at the top of my lungs but my uncle couldn't here me over the sound of the roaring boat that was going flat stick.all i could do was scream when all of a sudden i was jerked under water. i was running out of breath as i was trying to scream under water . i could taste the thick muddy water gushing into my mouth. just as i was about of run out of breath i felt the rope go slack, i rose to the surface screaming, crying. i looked at my hand and it was pretty much dark purple. i was okay after mun and dad helped me out and put me down with a towel around me. i was okay, but all i can say was that i was 7 and i have never been water skiing ever again.
ReplyDeleteThere was someone there. It sounded like footsteps of a little girl. It had been weeks since I had last woken up from a nightmare to only realize I was not dreaming that it was reality. I never saw who was making the noises, I didn’t really want to know. I moved to the countryside to get away from my old life, it was filled with bad memories. I saw this house when I brought it to be my save haven. My sanctuary. It turned out to be nothing like that this house was driving me insane. I couldn’t take it anymore I have to get out of here now! Screw the girl and the noises. They had hurt me enough. I just needed to get away. I got up and made a run for it the noises were more alive as if I had stirred the house from a long slumber. There were more distinct noises now. Voices, Crying and more foot steps. It wasn’t real I told my self, it was in my head I said. All the while knowing it was totally real. I ran out side it was a full moon. A clear night. My car in was in front of me, my escape from this unhappy place. I got into the car. It started up. No problems. The wheels moved forward. Still no problems. I took a deep breath and slammed the accelerator. I was off. Out of the blue a set of red eyes come cross onto the road. Was this it? I thought to my self, was this my torturer. But it was only a deer that quickly ran of in the other direction. I relaxed and fell back into the back of my seat. It was over. My headlights started to flicker. I could feel cold breathing on my neck. I couldn’t turn, my body seemed to be unresponsive. Then a voice came. “Why did you try and leave”? “Weren’t you having fun”? It chuckled. The car started to drift of road slowly. It was plummeting straight into a tree. It was over. The feeling I hated to most had won helplessness, there was nothing I could do. It was over.
ReplyDeleteI wake up. I am laying down on the soft muddy ground. I can smell coniferous trees and other flowers. I look down at my leg, it is severely cut open and I can see my calf muscle, I suddenly feel a lot of pain and feel queasy. I take my shirt off and wrap it round the wound. I scream a silent yell. I’m in a forest and there is a burning chopper in front of me. I am trying to remember what has happened. All I know is that I was flying a helicopter. I don’t know how but I must have crashed it. I don’t know any thing else.
ReplyDeleteI look around and see a plank of wood just as long as my leg. I take the shirt off my leg slowly, but sure enough it hurts more than anything I have ever felt before. I get the plank and tie it to my leg to make a splint. I try to get up and have a close look at what has happened. I manage to get up. I look up close at the helicopter and can smell burning petrol. I have a closer look in the cockpit of the helicopter. I see a burning bubbling body. I squirm inside and limp off. I sit down to think things over.
In the distance I can hear heavy footsteps. I dismiss the thought to try and get things straight but I can hear it coming closer. I get up to look around and see what it is. I can see the conifers moving all around in one particular area. I am worried about what it is. Could it be a human or a bear. I hear a growl and instantly I know it’s a bear. It comes out from the pines and it looks me in the eye as it stands up on its massive paws. It must be at least two and a half metres tall. It’s coming closer to me and I know that I am going to die, just how is my worry. Either a slow and painful bite to the arm or leg, or a quick neck bite. He growls at me and then…
WALLACE THIS IS AMAZING!!! MUST READ THIS ONE SIR
Deletesilly silly very silly
DeleteThe time I woke at midnight:
ReplyDeleteI was just a little kid and I hated the dark. I woke up all so suddenly at midnight not knowing. Immediately I got up, eyes crusty and very disorientated. I went down the steps very wobbly. When I hit the big step I collapsed to the ground. Everything was swirly and fuzzy it felt like I was pushed over except I was paralyzed on the step. I could hear loud noises not knowing what they are. I tried getting up but I was pushed down in an eternal “limbo”. I felt chills going down my spine as the presence of what I thought were ghosts going past me. I was sick and tired. My eyes were slowly closing. I was losing consciousness. I fainted…for seconds it was just black nothing else. I wanted to get out and suddenly I was awoken, my eyes opened and I was still in my bed still remembering the dream I had, or was it? It felt so much like reality but I could never decide which it was all I knew was that I was shocked scared and very tired.
ReplyDeleteI left home at 8.00pm. It was just starting to get dark. I was with my friend Jake, he has blonde hair, blue eyes, a smile from ear to ear and he is a tall but solid build. As I started my descent of the vast hill on which I live, a car was driving really slowly behind us. Jake got agitated and thought the man was following us. He was in older style, green commodore that had tinted windows. The car kept following us down the street around the corner and on to the main road. By this stage Jake was very agitated and I started to get tense. A few things that I did notice about the car is that there were dents on the passage side as if someone had struggled and kicked and punched the door, the muffler on the car was very small, minimizing the noise from the car.
It had almost been ten minutes and I kept getting glimpses of the man driving the car. He was a shady, overweight looking person and I had also noticed someone sitting on the left side of the car, closest to the gutter. I couldn’t see the other man’s face because I didn’t want to look to long and make it obvious.
Before we had reached our intended destination of the local cinema we decided not take any chances. We turned around. Ran as fast as we could. Jake tripped over, I ran back to help him up. We made it home safely.
We told my mother all about what had happened. Mum asked us what car they were driving. We told her. She said that the man was new to the neighbor-hood and he had been invited to a welcome party but he didn’t know which house it was which would explain why he was driving so slowly. So then we thought nothing about it.
Jake spent the night at my house. We woke up and started to watch the Today Show on channel nine. There was a report of a child abduction just after we had reached home. It was that car, so it must have been the same guy as well.
We went to the police and told the policemen the description of the man. The boy was found one week later. He was beaten and choked to death. He has dumped by the local creek. He had been walking alone. Thank god I was with Jake. Without him, I could have well been that little boy.
nice work becker oi i read it to jake and he was like no way thats disturbing
Deletehe was like why did he right about me ahahahhahahahaahahahhaahahahha :P
but anyway really good piece nice work
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAhhh its good to be home I say as I walk through the front door of my house.
ReplyDeleteWe have just been to the movies, my mum and dad are happy and my sister is isolated as she always is texting on her phone! God so immature!
I grab a coke out of the fridge, while my sister has already got home and away playing on the TV. My mum and dad hear the answering machine beep on a consistency of every 3 or 4 seconds, they wonder over to it. The button is pressed we all gather around the table,
First message is about dads work, then there’s mums friend wanting to meet up, and the last one maddies schoolteacher informing us she has got a detention.
I start to go off to bed, but I hear one more beep on the machine I go over and press play, my heart pounding ears focused on what the message will be, suddenly I hear voices like whispers of anger and greed, I rush back into my room like this event never took place.
“Oi wake up” says Maddy.
“WHAT” I exclaim.
“ Did you hear that!” says Maddy anxiously.
“Hear what”? I reply
“That sound”…
Maddy and I have got up, and we are now snooping around our own house like we are not permitted here, we are now at the top of the staircase we look down, we are both shocked and I can only imagine that Maddy would be screaming inside as much as I was. We run back to our room scared we were only young our minds now tormented and shaken from this night, we have our blankets over our faces with our eyes peering out, both sets of our eyes are now glued on the door like a early Saturday cartoon show. The doorknob starts to turn my heart is pounding as I can only imagine the torment and torture that will go one when that.... That thing we saw comes through that door, I WILL NEVER FORGET THE NIGHT I SAW IT…
My Near Death Experience
ReplyDeleteI’m in a small town in Russia called Saratov. It is 1am and my cousin and I have just picked up the groceries just before the shopping center closed. We started walking home along the cold icy street. When suddenly we heard a loud screeching sound as if a car was Turing full speed around bends, and out of the shadowy corner of the street a white van sped toward us. My cousin said get down!!! We ducked into the thick snow and he said, “shut up and stay down!” Out of the corner of my eye I see these 3 huge men with balaclavas over their faces and AK-47’s in their arms. They had seen us standing up, but I could tell they didn’t know where we were now. What is it they want I wonder? Still I know that if they see us that terrible things would happen.
They walked around for 10min already and they started to get tired, so one of them said in a deep voice “lets go boys, the stupid kids are gone.” They pulled away in their white van and as soon as they did my cousin grabbed my arm and dragged me up. We ran as fast as we could home. I told my mum and my grandma what had happened and they said go to sleep and we will handle everything in the morning, but your safe now.
Task Two
ReplyDeleteStage fright
Its 11:52 am. I’m waiting behind stage, the play was to start at 12:30 pm The last 4 years of studying and practicing theatre had lead to this one play.
One thousand people were expected to show up, I couldn’t get it out of my head ‘ONE THOUSAND PEOPLE’ showing up to watch me.
I had practiced this play numerous times, I knew every little detail of by heart but still I was nervous. I was pacing back and forth waiting for the begging nervously.
I suddenly hear the audience applauding and watch the curtains raise, I’m sweating my heart is rating as I walk onto the stage.
For most kids roller-coasters are amazing. But not all, this roller-coaster is at the top. They say that it is one of the fastest in the world. The crowds are big an the lines are always long and seem to take forever. Today would be the day that I attempt this feat. I finally got on into the cart. slow and daunting rise to the top of the mountain feels like forever. The peak. The clime takes about a minuet but it feels like a thousand. The slow daunting excruciatingly intense ride to the top. Blood starts pumping all through my body at a much faster pace. The slow and trip to the climax was getting to me. I was nearly at the top. I looked over the top of the mountain and there was nothing but rails. It slowed down. But suddenly, whoosh! Straight down for 100 meters and then, up and down, back and ford,
ReplyDeleteI turned the cold metallic key in the ignition. The engine rumbled and stumbled until it was put in a steady pace. I pushed my foot down on the accelerator and the car took off. I travelled down on an old, torn up road. My headlights were the only light I could see, as it was a dark cold night. I didn’t know what was in front of me I could only see 20m of the road. Darkness surrounded me from all sides and angles as I was all alone on the road no other sight of light not for miles. I passed a sign saying, “Next stop 83 kms”. Then suddenly the car slowed down until that rumbling engine that I once heard before fell silent. I popped the hood open as I saw my fuel pipes cut in half not by natural causes but what looked like a knife. I pulled my iPhone out of my pocket and calmly called for help but of course, there was no reception. Just as I was about to close my door to keep out of the sharp, cool breeze of the wind I heard a noise over the side of the road behind the bushes. I looked up and nothing was there, I now was starting to panic and I knew I wasn’t here alone I quickly ran into the front side of my car and locked all doors. Everything fell quiet, until out of know where a man who was covered in blood jumped onto my front windscreen, crying for help. “Help me please help me” he begged, there I sat in my seat not knowing what to do, to help the man or to stay in my car safe from the dangerous world that I was in. I decided I had to do something I unbuckled my seatbelt, unlocked the doors and hoped out of my car but then man was laying on the cold road his blood staining the greyish road. He said to me “ The people have the power not him, remember me as I was” he then died slowly in my arms.
ReplyDeleteAll of a sudden, the car stopped. It was just my luck. I hate storms, and my sister and I are now stranded in one of the biggest storms ever recorded in a summer month. I don’t know what is worse, the shake of the thunder on the little red car on the side of the road, or the blinding strikes of lightning that flash through my head like nightmares. I know it will probably pas over sooner or later, but it feels like we are stuck forever. I try to look strong in front of my sister so she wouldn’t worry so much, but I was shitting myself. I couldn’t stop my legs from shaking. I had no control over about 90% of my body. The storm is at its peak. The thunder was only separated by about 10 seconds now, along with numerous strikes of lightning and bucket loads of rain. The hard heavy rain, al of a sudden turned to rock hard hail drops. It is as if I have entered my nightmare. Stuck here as the hail continuously dents the windscreen of my sister’s car. I can’t help but wonder if this little car can even handle this sort of attack from above. Then through the blinding lightning strikes, a set of headlights started coming closer us. It was as if angels were saving us. It was a tow truck, to take us to the nearest shelter until further help. I couldn’t be happier. It was like a ticket out of hell for me. I hated storms.
ReplyDeleteEarth Child
ReplyDeleteHow full is the earth? i am a earth child and you? Can you go travelling inside the earth? Yes inside, in Her magnificent core, we can only meet at that point. How does it sound? No sound, there is only an enriching silent in the earth core. It is only growing for earth children, not for all kind of earth creatures. the earth is our mother, everybody knows it. But not everybody can feel + fit into her Body. What’s your name? Earth child, i already told you. Don’t you have another name like Susanna, Mary, jin… Earth children are unnamed cause uncolored are their faces and unspoken are their lips.
The sun is just rising over the hills. I am standing at the top of a mountain with my dad. We had just finished climbing up the side of the mountain. My dad and I have been free climbing for more than 10 years. We are had just finished climbing up one of the biggest mountains we had ever climbed. We had just started climbing back down the side of the mountain when suddenly my dad lost his footing and fell onto a ledge down below. I heard him scream in pain. I looked down below me and saw him hanging by one arm. I rushed down the ledge and grabbed his arm. When I grabbed his hand, it was as cold as an ice block and very sweaty. I could feel his hand slipping through mine. My heart was beating a thousand times a second. While I look down at my father I could see the pain in his eyes. I had a sudden feel of strength and I pulled as hard as I could and pulled my father up onto the ledge. I saw the blood pouring out of his leg. He tells me to quickly climb back down the mountain and get help. Once I had reached the bottom I ran to our car and called the ambulance. I told them that my father was on a ledge 200 meters above ground and they told me they would send a helicopter to come and get him.
ReplyDeleteAs I was called to the headmasters office I tried to think what it might be that he had be informed about, annoyingly the headmaster has a method with these sort of things, if he is to congratulate you he will immediately invite you into his office however if he is to punish you he will make you wait, the longer I waited to be called in the more I think about what he could get me in trouble for, there were so many that I could be readying myself to be seriously reprimanded of my privileges here he could have discovered about the incident with Ms. Jeffery’s car and the fruit flies, the soldier crabs in the Staff Centre maybe he found out it was me that toilet papered half the library. So many things that he could get me in trouble for and maybe it was more than one, maybe he had found out about three or four of my debaucheries. For all I knew he has found out about the whole lot and I am about to get expelled
ReplyDeleteAs I kept waiting I saw the deputy head scurrying through the halls when he saw me he came up to me shook my hand and talked to me quickly, I was too scared to register what he had said. Later I learnt that the headmaster had been involved in an accident while he was driving to work and the deputy head was filling in for him.
As we neared the top of the driveway, I saw a strange dark Commodore parked near one the gum trees that adorned our street. Looking back on it, I can see how it stood out of place. The rusty chassis, the dull and faded paint-job, even its engine was running.
ReplyDeleteJake and I turned left and began down the street, we were chatting about the dance at school, about who we were going to ask to come with us. As I tipped back my head to laugh, I saw the car following us. Had it moved? Was it my imagination?
We continued walking and, just as I took the right onto Chapman Avenue, I swivelled my head and confirmed my worst suspicions.
The car was following us.
My heart began to race. The hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. A cold fear began to creep over me. All of a sudden, my conversation stopped.
"What's wrong?" asked Jake. "You've stopped talking" As if sensing my fear, he turned around and peered back at the Commodore, a green slippery eel that was creeping up on its prey.
"Is that car following..."
His question was cut short by the revving of the engine, the screeching of tyres. Then our world got a whole lot darker.